I recently received a gift pass to attend a little exercise called “ Hot Yoga”. I have heard many of you rave about it so even though I was skeptical to say the least, I decided to give it a go. First of all, yoga is hard, I’m okay with that, in fact I have a perfectly wonderful yoga teacher that has me working up a sweat without raising the thermometer. Why, oh why would you take an activity that already raises the internal temp and throw it in a 100 degree room??
It’s not just that extreme heat irritates me, it actually scares me. Not sure what I think will happen, perhaps I will burst into flames? I entered the lobby, filled with lots of chakras and cha cha’s for sale along with over priced yoga gear that you are virtually going to ruin with copious amounts of sweat.
The class room itself had a sign announcing that once you crossed over, there was no talking. Again, I flashed back to my treasured yoga teacher who welcomed a nice gab session as we settled into our spots. Just a little friendly chit chat before we got down to it. As I opened the door, I was immediately smacked in the face with heat. Heavy, static, heat. If I were lying on a beach that was this hot, I would go inside.
I found my way to the corner and lay on the floor with my fellow inmates. I started to sweat before I even closed my eyes. I don’t know about you but if I lie down in a hot, dark room with strict instructions not to talk to anybody, I go to sleep. The instructor arrived, a bit perky for the task at hand I noted. She rattled through some spiritual 101 on finding our centre and releasing the stresses of life outside the lava cave. She then warned that even though she liked to “crank” the music, we should not be distracted and keep our thoughts on our breathing. Who invited Phil Collins to the hot yoga class?? I’ll say, “there’s something in the air tonight”.
I gamely went through the standing poses, the warrior series, the flow as our instructor nattered on. I mean she didn’t stop for a breath! I was sweating like a pig. I have never experienced sweating this much. When I put my hands in front of me for child’s pose, they slid across the mat and I banged my forehead. It was like being on an ice rink in slippers.
As I looked around the room, (okay I lost my focus for a moment ) the majority of the participants seemed fine. Some even looked happy. The instructor told us we should look happy. Not giddy but peaceful. So now I was trying to imagine how to adjust my face to comply which kinda took me out of the moment again.
About 10 minutes before the end of the class, right around the bridge move, the room started to spin. Jesus, I’m going to pass out. I turned over and laid on my mat, trying to find my centre. My centre was swinging to the right, left, upside down. I was nauseous, really stinkin hot and needed to get out of dodge. As quietly as I could, I gathered my things and got the hell out of there.
As I was splashing my face with cold water in the change room, the instructor appeared in the mirror. She looked peaceful yet agitated.
We really need you to stay in the room until the end of class, she asserted passively.
But, I was going to pass out or throw up, I countered.
Well you can’t leave the building until the class is over because there is no one to lock the door behind you.
I just want to get out of here.
You can’t until the class is finished.
Okay, I’ll wait in the lobby” I compromised.
I stood in the darkened lobby and pined for my car that sat just out of reach in the parking lot. I noticed a book on the bench titled , “ You are Here” I was pretty sure it wasn’t meant in the spirit of the maps in a mall, that help you locate where you need to be. This was the much deeper concept of “You are Here”. Problem was, I wanted to be there. I wanted to go home.
The class ended shortly after and the instructor hurried out to continue our conversation.
Did you drink 8 glasses of water before class?
If I drank 8 glasses of water before class, I would have to pee by standing tree.
You will find it very empowering if you stay and work through the dizziness. You will realize you aren’t going to die and it will give you an inner strength, she advised.
I’m not sure we have the same objective here, I want to experience a great class but I don’t necessarily have to leave empowered and I really don’t want to feel like I’m being held hostage in a yoga practice, I shrilled a bit.
Clearly, we weren’t on the same page. I don’t discount a spiritual existence by any means. I just don’t like a guided spiritual experience. I have taken skads of dance classes that I find spiritual , same with yoga or any kind of movement really. Thing is, if you let the movement guide you, the spiritual experience will take care of itself. To me, its personal, neither instructors or Phil Collins need to weigh in.
She kept insisting I make the connection until I said, You have to respect what my experience is and not worry about what you think it needs to be.
I know what you’re thinking. Shut up and don’t go if it bothers you so much. You are right, who needs to leave a yoga class frustrated and pissy. Well apparently , I do. As the saying goes, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the hot yoga kitchen.
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