Lately I’ve been mulling around the concept of positive thinking. It’s nothing new, people have been raving about it for years. Think positive thoughts and the universe will align.
That’s all fine and well but I’m wondering if maybe there is a way to up the ante. I am looking for something more concrete.
A friend of mine advised that I should write down the things I want to happen. The act of laying it out somehow creates a shift in tides that opens the door for all the good stuff to come to fruition.
Why stop there? What if we just start verbalizing our dream scenarios?
It started innocently enough. I was treating myself to a mani-pedi at a shop around the corner when the woman filing my feet started grilling me about my life.
“What your husband do?” she asked, clearly with no thought that I may not have a spouse. I paused for a moment and considered the consequences of coming clean on my marital status. This would no doubt lead to much explaining and justifying, met with awkward silence. She’d then start cutting corners and using the cheap polish because she felt that I had somehow misrepresented my happiness.
“He’s in finance” I replied as I dipped my toe into the warm waters of deceit that would grow to be so familiar. I chose finance because it sounds like there is money involved and it is ambiguous enough to stop follow up questions.
“Oh, that good” she beamed. We were off and running.
“Are you and your husband going to go on vacation?”
“ Yes-we are leaving for California on Tuesday” I answered. That was only partially fiction. I was going to visit a friend in California on Tuesday. I thought it best to walk before I ran and anchor my fantasy life in half-truths.
“That nice! Your husband get vacation time” she affirmed.
“Oh yes, he gets lots of vacation time” I assured her. Might as well aim for a husband that makes tons of dough but still has plenty of time for leisure.
She shifted to questions about my children which was easy as I just inserted my real son into the scenario. I didn’t even feel bad about that.
The only glitch happened on my return visit. I treat myself to manicures sparingly so it was a good long while before I went back. My manicurist picked up right where we left off, her memory unfailing. I on the other hand was having trouble keeping track of my bullshit. Did we vacation in New Mexico last time or was it Dubai??
Had we already completed the remodel of the kitchen? My mind was scrambling as I buried my head in a magazine. I may have to tell her that he slept with his secretary and I was taking him to the cleaners.
This little exercise began many years ago when I lived in Winnipeg. I had moved there to study with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet ( this part is true) and as I stood in a room of strangers at a social event, it occurred to me that I had no personal history with anyone in the room. It felt so liberating that I got carried away. Someone asked me what I did and I spontaneously told them I was a race car driver. I was giddy with the possibilities of reinvention. Unfortunately, my choice of profession couldn’t have been worse. I didn’t even have a drivers license at the time, leaving me wide open for discovery.
What kind of car do you drive?
Red...
Like so many artists, I had to find a waitressing job to sustain my meager existence. Problem was, I had never waitressed before. Wait a minute, not a problem. I have no history here, I can invent all that!
I had my first interview at a sporty eatery called “ G Willikers”
The manager was a dashing young gay man that I instantly gravitated to. He asked me about my employment history and I told him I had worked at Bemelmans, ( a Toronto hot spot where people went to be seen).
His eyes lit up and he blurted out excitedly, “ I used to work there too! We must have just missed each other!”
Shit, Shit, Shit! This can’t be happening to me in Winnipeg. Why did I have to pick the popular spot?? I knew I should have gone with the Magic Pan!
I was in the thick of it now and there was no turning back. We bantered back and forth about mutual acquaintances, him asking me how so and so was doing and me affirming that all was good with them-making sure to steer away from details of any kind.
Good news is, I got the job and Cavin and I became fast friends. When he referred to a former coworker, I nodded and laughed or rolled my eyes, careful to follow his visual cues. It was exhausting.
Several months into my gig, Cavin came into work one day bursting with news.
“Stephanie and James are coming to Winnipeg for a visit!”, he announced breathlessly.
I stared at him blankly, my mind a bit fuzzy from too many pirouettes the day before.
From Bemelmans!, he screeched. My house of cards was crashing. Okay, I had passed my 3-month probation period and Cavin and I had become buddies, going for after work drinkie poos, sharing war stories, revealing, plotting. I was standing on solid ground when I exhaled deeply and said, “ Cavin, there is something I have to tell you.”
“I knew it!! he screamed. There was always a moment of confusion on your face when I talked about the old days.”
Though I was busted, we had forged a good enough friendship to laugh about it for years to come but phew, that was a close one.
I no longer think of it as fabrication. I look at it as life affirmation. If you say it out loud, it will transpire. It’s become a natural part of my visualization process. I routinely shop with a dear friend and we entertain ourselves picking out clothes for our fantasy spouses as well as furniture and appliances for our fantasy cottages. We pass the hours holding up outfits that won’t fit us, items we can’t afford, discussing itineraries for trips we aren’t taking. After a couple hours of laughing our way through our perfect fantasy lives, I feel a hell of a lot better.
And for sure, write down your lists of wants. Can’t hurt to cover all bases.
I’ll start.
1.I want a kind hearted man who is crazy smart and funny to love me forever
2.I don’t ever want to worry about money
3.I want someone to take care of all landscaping for the rest of my life
4.I want my digital cable to stop pixelating.
5.I don’t want me or my loved ones to ever be sick. Ever!
6.I want to look like I do yoga, twelve times a week without having to do yoga twelve times a week.
7.I want our school systems to find more engaging ways to educate our kids
8.I want to bring back the crank call without call display
9.I want “Lost” and the “Sopranos” back on air
10.I want people to stop saying, “ It’s not personal, its business”
11.I always want access to good coffee, wine, chocolate and cheese
12.I want my work life to be fulfilling
13.I want good hair with no prep time
14.I want the grass to be green on both sides
15.I want my kid to be insanely happy for the rest of his life
On a recent solo shopping trip, I browsed through the men’s section of shoes. I believe you can tell a lot about a man or woman by their choice of shoes. My eyes rested on a pair of white loafers and without hesitation I said to myself,
“ My husband doesn’t wear white shoes.”
No comments:
Post a Comment